TomOperatingMachinery.com
Tom status: operating machinery
Official site of a man and his excavator

Tom operatesmachinery.

He spent a career fighting fires. Then he retired. Now he operates machinery. Retired on paper. In the cab every day.

Operator data plate

The plate is riveted to the cab. Do not remove it. Do not remove Tom.

Operator · Tom

Prior occupation
Firefighter (ret.)
Current occupation
Operating machinery
Machine class
4-ton mini excavator
Rated capacity
One more load
Retirement status
Paper only
Fires fought today
0
Hour meter
Was he asked to stop?

Several times. He was in the cab for all of them.

Is this a full-time job?

Tom is retired, so no. He just happens to be here every day.

Loads moved since you opened this page

0

Machinery Tom operates

A complete list, verified by standing near the excavator with a phone.

Left joystick

The swing

Rotates the entire upper house. Tom does this on purpose.

Right joystick

The bucket

Picks up debris. Puts debris in the dumpster. Repeats.

Hydraulic

The boom

Goes up. Goes down. Tom decides which.

Hydraulic

The stick

Reaches toward the pile. The pile does not reach back.

Front lever

The blade

Pushes dirt around. Also keeps the machine from tipping over.

Foot pedals

The tracks

Moves Tom from one pile to the next.

The soundtrack

Two original songs about one man who can’t stay out of the cab.

Side A · Lead single · Upbeat country

Tom’s Last Shift

Tom hangs up his tools for good. Then he climbs right back in the cab, works the gears, and goes after one more load.

▶ Listen on Suno
Side B · Deep cut

Tom’s Retirement Plan

The firefighter retires and goes to work at the dump. He trades fire hoses for junk, trash, and old couches.

▶ Listen on Suno

Frequently asked

Does Tom operate machinery?

Yes. See: the domain name.

Is Tom operating machinery right now?

Check the status light at the top of this page. It has never been off.

Can I hire Tom?

Tom is retired, so he is not taking new work. He will still be in the excavator tomorrow.

Does Tom operate anything other than machinery?

No other operations have been documented.

Who made this website?

Someone who bought a domain name as a joke and then followed through.